Tag: Miscarriage

The Detour to My Bump

On By TheBorrowedBump2 Comments

When I look back on my life, I can promise you, I always had a clear vision of becoming a mom. I wasn’t always sure what I wanted to ‘be’ when I grew up, but having the mom title was a must and was something I never questioned. Borrowing a bump from someone, however, was not in my plans. Not even a thought.

Borrowing a bump was actually, at one point, my biggest fear. There was no way I could/would ever trust another woman to take care of my baby, and I sure as heck was not interested in not being part of that “pregnant club,” where moms chat about the feeling of kicks, nausea, child birth and loving a child from the inside out. I would definitely want to do that. Child birth stories scare me, but I’ve always known that joy of meeting your first child must be greater than the pain, because it seems most people continue to have a second. I would definitely want two or three, and I knew that pain would be worth it. I actually just couldn’t wait till I could join my friends in that club. I never realized that my time in that club would be such a short stay. A very short lived dream, ending in heart ache.

From that point on, I put my heart and soul into getting back into that club. Each moment of my days, I did all that I could to help myself get back. My obsession was fierce, my passion immense. And each time one of my doctors would mention surrogacy, it made me want to fight even harder to get back in. I gave it my everything. I did all that I could, but I never did get back into that place I wanted to be. I would never get to carry my child.

I had no idea where my turning point would be, and looking back, I can see the days that my heart started to change. I was growing through my pain and heart ache. I entered a new chapter in my book and was scared out of my mind. But, this chapter would end up going down as the most amazing, proud, happy, thankful, grateful chapter. This is where my story turned. And, I took the road less traveled into surrogacy.

So many times in life, we try and try and try. And, no matter what, we just cannot succeed. We learn as children, that if you put your heart to something, you will succeed. That’s not true at all. How many times in life are we told no? We want something so badly, but God says no. And, at the time, we are furious. But, what we need to realize is that he truly has something amazing planned for each of us. Even in our hardest moments, there is purpose. Even if this hurt doesn’t change your own life, you surely are changing someone else’s life. Someone is watching. Someone is learning. Someone is changing. Someone is growing. All because of your pain. He truly does use us for this.

I’ve realized, lately, more than ever, that my story is impacting others. I had many days where I was completely knocked down, and lost the fight by a mile. But I kept standing as tall as I could. Somedays my steps were slower than other days, but I always moved forward. And, I’m so glad I did. Had I given up, I wouldn’t be gearing up to meet my sweet baby boy. I could have said, “enough,” and stopped the fight. But I didn’t. I accepted another path. It has been one of the best decisions we have ever made. This has been the hardest journey I’ve yet to experience, but now is the most incredible adventure I’ve seen.

And, I do believe this is how life is. It’s hard, it’s unfair and you will be thrown more curve balls than you hope. But, it’s absolutely beautiful. We are all going to have so many wonderful times, but we will each get knocked down. What will you do when you get knocked down? Will you stop and give up? Will you keep going? Will you accept another option/path? I hope you do. Because, often, what’s on the other side, will be the most breathtaking view you may ever see.

1,462 days later…HE ANSWERED

On By TheBorrowedBump7 Comments

kleins-21Things may not have happened the way that we thought
But between us and our army, we fought and we fought
We had so much fear, but always kept our hope
And even though we grew weary, we kept climbing that rope
We did all that we could and we searched high and low
Until we found the best of the best, oh how she glows.
She’s perfect for us, and we are over the moon
She will deliver Baby Klein sometime in June
God answered our prayers and our baby is quickly growing
We, as Mom and Dad, our hearts are overflowing.kleins-47

This is the poem that I wrote and gave to our parents on November 18. We are EXPECTING… FINALLLLLLLY! I know I have been quiet, and some of you may have guessed the reason. We transferred one sweet embryo (yes my egg and Dave’s sperm) on September 27th. We got our positive test four short days later, on October 1. This has absolutely been an amazing experience, and has been the turn in our story. The turn where everything just feels so much better. The pressure taken off of me, has been so refreshing, and if things go as planned, Baby BOY Klein will arrive the beginning of June.

We transferred one of our Colorado embryos, which we shipped to Chicago, IL, transferred in Chicago, baby will be born in WI, and home will be NE. Talk about a little adventurer. Oh, the places he will go and has already been!

We can hardly contain our excitement, but have been just normal to the outside world. We can’t wait for sweet baby to arrive. I have been writing some entries, just not posting, so I will start posting again, as I would love to share our experience with a gestational carrier , Amy, carrying our baby. We are currently 17 weeks, and I want to keep you informed of the pregnancy!

If you are reading this, and you still are trying to figure out how to get your sweet baby, I understand your pain. Please just know, that I was so scared (still am somedays, let’s be honest,) but this surrogacy journey has been the BEST part of our journey. And, so far, has been the most successful. If you find the right agency, which we found the most amazing one, then this process can be awesome. I truly think it can all depend on your carrier as well… and we got the BEST! So, although you may be scared, please let my story give you hope. We are so much closer to our baby. And I will continue to update on here.

Cheers to our best year yet! 2016 will awesome, and 2017 is looking to be even better. Thank you so much for your support!!! We prayed for 1,462 days… HE ANSWERED!

kleins-48

 

 

 

Why Surrogate

On By TheBorrowedBump7 Comments

If you haven’t followed our story for the past few years, it may seem odd to you that we have decided to use a surrogate to carry our baby. This isn’t how we wanted our story to end (or begin,) but after years of struggles, we have decided that this is our best option. One thing I do want to point out is that we will be using my egg and Dave’s sperm, so the baby will have our genetic make up. Back when surrogacy began, it meant that the woman carrying your baby, was, more than likely, using her egg, and the father’s sperm. So, the term for someone who carries the intended parent’s egg and sperm is called a gestational carrier. So, we are using a gestational carrier, but I say surrogate to keep things easy.

I became pregnant in 2014.  We got to hear that wonderful heartbeat at 8 weeks, and I’ll never forget at our 10 week ultrasound she said, “Yes, the baby has grown, but unfortunately its heart has stopped.”  I immediately had a D&C (surgery to remove the baby.) We did genetic testing on the baby to find out it was 46XX, and that made everything more real. A girl. It was obviously an emotional and a terrible time for us, but we assumed we would get pregnant easily after that because it only took six months of truly trying to conceive this baby. We were so optimistic, yet so naive. Unfortunately, the doctor didn’t get the placenta out, and worse, she didn’t realize that for another two months. At that time, the placenta had very much attached to me. So, surgery #2 happened to remove the placenta. Again, we thought, “voila, this is it, we will be pregnant in no time!” Sadly, I didn’t get a period again, and after basically turning into a “Google Girl,” I continually begged my fertility specialist to take another look because I thought I had Asherman’s Syndrome. She laughed, and said there was no way.

Asherman’s Syndrome is very serious, and the doctors don’t talk to you (well mine didn’t) about the risks of a D&C. Asherman’s typically occurs after extensive damage to the uterus. It is scar tissue, and without having it removed, it’s unlikely for an embryo to implant and for a woman to become pregnant. I want to shout to the world… “If you ever have to have a D&C, and I pray you don’t, please know the risks!!!!!!” There is a 25% chance of being diagnosed with Asherman’s Syndrome after a D&C, yet, so many people aren’t aware of this condition.

After four more months of fertility, absent periods, obsessions with Google and begging my doctor, we decided to get a second opinion. It was the best thing we ever did. We went to Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine and Dr. Debra Minjarez was absolutely phenomenal. She took one look in me, and immediately let us know that I was scarred and had a zero percent chance of conceiving a child. Here we had been spending thousands of dollars on fertility each month in Omaha, and it never would have worked. So, onto the THIRD surgery…. ahhh!!! Dr. Minjarez was able to remove all of the scarring, and said 95% of the time, the uterine lining will return. Sadly, we tried every crazy thing (tons of drugs, hyperbaric oxygen, acupuncture, vitamins, fertility yoga, fertility massages, shopping, lots of wine …hahah… the list goes on) possible to get my lining back, but no such luck.

After two years of fertility, we have learned, that either I will get pregnant with thin lining (it does happen… just not as likely, but there is always hope, right?!) or we will use a gestational carrier to bring Baby Klein to us. We transferred a normal, genetically tested embryo in October, and the embryo didn’t end up attaching to my thin lining. After that, I kept thinking, had I transferred that embryo to a woman who could carry, I would be holding my baby boy in 2016. I’m trying not to be so selfish and give our future babies the best chances of coming into this world. And, this so happens to be the best route.

Please reach out to me if you ever have questions about Asherman’s Syndrome, miscarriage or a D&C. I would love to spread awareness and have this happen less and less. Wow, this was a long post, and too many facts for my liking, but we want you to know why we chose this path. I have met many “thin lining friends,” and that has helped lessen all of the pain.

Here is a link to the Asherman’s Website
http://www.ashermans.org