While We Wait.

Four days until I become a mom. And, I cannot believe I just typed that. Four days. Four short days. My, how the time has flown. And, really, he could come any minute and surprise us. But, knowing the Klein’s schedule, he will probably not really feel like being too early. That, and, Amy has been feeding him nachos, so we think he will probably choose to stay as long as he possibly can. We are happy to report that he already likes Mexican food, so will be a great addition to our family.

We were so torn on when we should possibly head up to Wisconsin. Although we love being home, and we are savoring our last moments at home, the idea of an 8.5 hour drive while your surrogate is in labor, was pretty unbearable to imagine. Every night, the past month, I crawl into bed and envision her calling us at midnight, and us rushing to get there over night. It was not a great thought for anyone, so we decided to come early to await his arrival. We stayed in Madison for a few nights, so we could break up the trip. We thought it would seem like a vacation, but really, our minds are ONLY on this birth, so we have a hard time relaxing and having fun.

We got to Green Bay Wednesday in time for her last appointment. Everything was perfect, and we got to listen to his heart beat so beautifully for about twenty minutes. We also got to ask her doctor any questions we would have about the birth. I’m terrified, as I have never witnessed birth, and wasn’t able to take a birthing class, so I have lots of questions. We have decided that I will do skin to skin with baby, right when he comes out, and Dave will cut the cord. Fair trade, right? I cannot wait to put that sweet boy, of ours, on my chest, and feel him for the first time. A long awaited dream, finally becoming a reality. Four more days.

The last few days have flown, and we have gotten to spend tons of time with Amy and her family. It’s been so good for our souls. It feels so great to be so close to our baby, and they feel like family to us, so it works out great. The other day, the baby put a fist or elbow up to my hand and was moving it back and forth. It’s crazy to think, that the only thing separating us is skin and fluid… and that’s my baby. We have had so much fun together, and the fun with continue through the weekend, while we spend more time with her family. I have definitely loved each time the kids slip and call Dave, “Uncle Dave.” Because that is just what it feels like. They feel so much like family, and we know that is the way it will feel forever.

Many of you have asked our plans after birth. Some people have said, “So, you just take the baby and it’s over?” Absolutely NOT. No. This family has become our family, and there is no way that the birth will end this friendship. It will just be another milestone that the four of us get to experience together. They will both witness the birth of our first child; the moment that we officially become Mom and Dad. This moment will connect us even more. This will be such an intimate experience, and we are so thrilled that they can share it with us. I can promise you, it will be a memory we all take with us for the rest of our lives. What a beautiful moment. I have warned them, that I will probably sob more than I ever have, and they are (so they say haha) okay with that and prepared! We are all thinking that there may not be a dry eye in that delivery room that day. Oh, little Baby Klein, you are changing the world.

So, as I mentioned, I will do skin to skin with the baby, immediately after birth, and Dave will cut the cord. Then, we will get our own room (knock on wood that the hospital cooperates on this) and we will let Amy rest, while we stare intently at our sweet little miracle. Her children will come meet him as well, as we all feel like that is an important part of the process and great ‘closure’ for them to see and meet the baby, and see how happy we are with him. They have recently been asking more questions on it all, and I love that. Kids are so much more accepting to things than adults, and this is one situation that proves it. Such sweet souls.

We will be leaving for home straight from the hospital, which will be the most interesting drive home ever. I am sure it will take so much time for us to get there, while stopping to feed/change etc. But, we can’t wait. I have often envisioned that moment that we get in the car, and head home to start our little family. Gives me chills just thinking about it. While we go home with a baby, Amy goes home to her sweet family, but I can’t help but think of how hard it could be for her as well. We will still be talking daily, and still be just as close, but her body has been preparing for this baby, and hormones will continue. So, please, keep her in your prayers and we all move forward. Again, we know we will see them soon, and they will be our friends/family for life, but that doesn’t mean it will all feel normal. We will all have adjustments to make. We have experienced the greatest journey we have been a part of, and the feeling of the finality of it, is something I can’t even explain. While I am beyond thrilled to meet little mister, it will be so different getting off this sweet ride, and boarding the next train. We will never forget the highs of this amazing ride. After all, this ride took our broken pieces and mended them back together. And we have never felt so whole. Thankful for the terrible rollercoaster that we rode for four years, because, truly, it taught us about heartache and the strength that comes along with that. We are beyond grateful for the smooth ride we have been on this past year. We couldn’t have done this without the love of Amy and Robb. They were just who we needed. We couldn’t pick a better couple to help us, and there is no other woman out there that I would want carrying my baby. She is our sweet angel.

Dave had said to me, the other night at dinner, “Can you imagine if someone had told you years ago, that Amy would carry your baby one day?” I thought about that one for a minute. I remember praying so many times the past four years, for God to just let me know I would be okay, yet I knew he couldn’t. We don’t always know where our paths will take us, but we have to hold tight in faith. I would have laughed and thought it was the craziest thought ever, had someone suggested I wouldn’t ever be pregnant, and that a stranger would carry my baby. No way. No freaking way. I would have been crushed to learn, at a younger age, that this would be my story. But now, after fighting so hard to get here, I absolutely love my story. I feel like we are adding something beautiful to the world. We are inspiring others, through our strength, kindness (Amy,) generosity, love, faith and commitment. That was my goal all along; to make a difference. This is my favorite story I have ever heard, and I know it will make an impact for generations to come.

Growing Quickly in Our Hearts.

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The past month has been a whirlwind. Robby and Amy came to see us in March, and it was honestly one of the very best weekends of my life. We were SO excited to share them with our friends and family, and to share our friends and family with them! We just wanted them to see our home, and see where little baby will grow up. We had so much fun!

Saturday morning we went to a little boutique ultrasound place in town, and we got to see Baby Klein. He has started to get some cheeks, and still has crazy long legs, like his daddy. He is so sweet and cute, of course! He was pretty sleepy during the appointment, so he wasn’t wanting to move very much. Not like his big debut at his 20 week anatomy scan. He finally started moving a bit, and Amy asked if I wanted to feel her tummy, while he kicked! YES!!! Oh my gosh…. AMAZING feeling. Dave ended up snapping some pics, so I will cherish those forever. Our appointment was about an hour long, and the ultrasound tech was amazing. She teared up at the end and told us she would remember this appointment forever. You could tell she was very moved, and she was so interested in how this all works. I love sharing our story with others, and you just see their hearts swell, when they see a stranger carrying my baby.

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Then we had about fifty friends and family over that afternoon to meet our heroes. It was just such a wonderful day. Our families just loved meeting them and seeing ‘our bump.’ Everyone LOVED both Amy and Robby!!! It’s hard not to smile the minute you meet them, and Amy seriously has THE sweetest smile ever!! She just makes you feel at peace and you can tell how huge her heart is. What a perfect person to carry our baby. We finished the evening, just the four of us, at dinner chatting about everything about that day. It was just awesome to have everyone be able to put faces with names. They loved seeing our life, and seeing all of the support we have, and how loved Baby Klein is already. Saying goodbye to them that evening was SO hard on me. I just didn’t want to let her go, and definitely cried when they left. So many feelings. And I couldn’t help but think that the next time we see them is baby time!!!!

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I have also been lucky enough to have baby showers the past few weeks. I have had three (and one more this week)… which is crazy, and amazing all at once 🙂 When I started thinking of using a surrogate, I remember wondering if I would still have a baby shower. Yes, of course I would. I have still gotten to experience all of those amazing parts of a new mom expecting a baby. My heart, at each shower, felt like it was going to burst. I know I say that a lot, but that is the best way for me to explain how I feel. We just have such wonderful and supportive friends and family. And, the girls that threw my showers just made me feel so special. I honestly just kept feeling like I was dreaming. I never thought I would get this far. Baby showers have always been one of the hardest events for me. I love supporting my friends, but they were hard, because I didn’t believe that my turn would ever come. Well, my turn is finally here. And, I’m loving every minute of it.

Amy is still so sweet and keeps me in the loop on the progress of Baby Klein. She sends us updated belly bump pictures, and I just love seeing them and seeing my sweet boy. I remember before we started this process, the thought of seeing a belly bump picture of my future surrogate made me so sad, but I couldn’t feel more opposite! Those pictures brighten any of my days. They give me so much hope, and I’m always in awe that some sweet soul is doing this for ME. She sends us heart beat recordings, tells us what she craves, how much he moves, and even does belly buds so he can hear our crazy voices. She has made me feel so special and important in this pregnancy, and I couldn’t have ever imagined a better gestational carrier.

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Time is quickly passing. I have heard this so many times from my friends that have struggle to get pregnant. They’ve always said that if it takes you years to get pregnant, the nine months of pregnancy fly by. I have been so used to living my life in 2-4 week increments. Patience is a must during the long cycles of IVF. So now that we have an end date/goal in mind, the days are flying. I cannot believe that I will soon hold my sweet precious boy. His nursery is almost complete, and our house is over flowing with all things baby. So many generous hearts out there giving us amazing gifts and continually praying for Dave, myself, and baby.

As happy and excited as I am, I am prepared to feel a little ‘sad’ after the birth. Not sad that he is here, obviously, but sad that this amazing surrogacy journey will be complete. I already know that the bond between Amy and me will last forever. We will still chat often, and I want her to see pics of our son. We have talked about the future, and how we can do family vacations up to WI, and they can bring the kids here sometime in the next year or two. We have made lifetime friends. And we absolutely hit the jackpot with them. They are the reason this crazy ride has seemed so calm. They have changed our path. I thank God for them daily, and they will forever be two of the biggest hearts in my entire life story. I picture myself, after raising my children and looking back on life… and I know Robby and Amy will be that change in our story. We will love and cherish them forever.

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The Detour to My Bump

When I look back on my life, I can promise you, I always had a clear vision of becoming a mom. I wasn’t always sure what I wanted to ‘be’ when I grew up, but having the mom title was a must and was something I never questioned. Borrowing a bump from someone, however, was not in my plans. Not even a thought.

Borrowing a bump was actually, at one point, my biggest fear. There was no way I could/would ever trust another woman to take care of my baby, and I sure as heck was not interested in not being part of that “pregnant club,” where moms chat about the feeling of kicks, nausea, child birth and loving a child from the inside out. I would definitely want to do that. Child birth stories scare me, but I’ve always known that joy of meeting your first child must be greater than the pain, because it seems most people continue to have a second. I would definitely want two or three, and I knew that pain would be worth it. I actually just couldn’t wait till I could join my friends in that club. I never realized that my time in that club would be such a short stay. A very short lived dream, ending in heart ache.

From that point on, I put my heart and soul into getting back into that club. Each moment of my days, I did all that I could to help myself get back. My obsession was fierce, my passion immense. And each time one of my doctors would mention surrogacy, it made me want to fight even harder to get back in. I gave it my everything. I did all that I could, but I never did get back into that place I wanted to be. I would never get to carry my child.

I had no idea where my turning point would be, and looking back, I can see the days that my heart started to change. I was growing through my pain and heart ache. I entered a new chapter in my book and was scared out of my mind. But, this chapter would end up going down as the most amazing, proud, happy, thankful, grateful chapter. This is where my story turned. And, I took the road less traveled into surrogacy.

So many times in life, we try and try and try. And, no matter what, we just cannot succeed. We learn as children, that if you put your heart to something, you will succeed. That’s not true at all. How many times in life are we told no? We want something so badly, but God says no. And, at the time, we are furious. But, what we need to realize is that he truly has something amazing planned for each of us. Even in our hardest moments, there is purpose. Even if this hurt doesn’t change your own life, you surely are changing someone else’s life. Someone is watching. Someone is learning. Someone is changing. Someone is growing. All because of your pain. He truly does use us for this.

I’ve realized, lately, more than ever, that my story is impacting others. I had many days where I was completely knocked down, and lost the fight by a mile. But I kept standing as tall as I could. Somedays my steps were slower than other days, but I always moved forward. And, I’m so glad I did. Had I given up, I wouldn’t be gearing up to meet my sweet baby boy. I could have said, “enough,” and stopped the fight. But I didn’t. I accepted another path. It has been one of the best decisions we have ever made. This has been the hardest journey I’ve yet to experience, but now is the most incredible adventure I’ve seen.

And, I do believe this is how life is. It’s hard, it’s unfair and you will be thrown more curve balls than you hope. But, it’s absolutely beautiful. We are all going to have so many wonderful times, but we will each get knocked down. What will you do when you get knocked down? Will you stop and give up? Will you keep going? Will you accept another option/path? I hope you do. Because, often, what’s on the other side, will be the most breathtaking view you may ever see.

How I Survived Seven Rounds of IVF

If you know me, you know that for a year and a half my life revolved around IVF. I tried fitting in as many damn rounds as possible. Or, so it seemed. One after another, over and over. I’ve had more shots (not the fun drinks) than I could count. I’m only two months out from my last round of IVF, and have been thinking of some advice, for those of you in the midst of it. So, here you go!

#1. LOVE YOUR SPOUSE
I remember the first IUI that didn’t work. It was a Tuesday morning in April, and raining like crazy. I took my test, and surprisingly saw one damn line. Not pregnant. The RE had said I would be such an easy case, plus I had been pregnant before, so I was pretty confident in this time. I went and told Dave, and his response was, “That sucks.” Oh man, I flipped. That sucks!? That is what he had to say. After a slight (okay maybe not so slight) freak out moment, Dave said to me, “I am just as upset and sad, but it is physically impossible for me to understand exactly how much this hurts you. I’m not the one on shots, I’m not the one that has to ‘feel’ all of this.” And, man was he right. It’s true. They won’t be able to understand exactly how it feels to be us. But, they do support us more than anyone in this world. This is their baby and story too. During some of our darkest days of our journey a friend of mine suddenly lost her husband. My heart broke. Absolutely broke. Still does for her, and she is beyond strong for continuing to put one foot in front of the other. This moment was a little wake up call for me. How lucky am I to be struggling to have a baby with THE greatest husband on earth? He is here, he is my best friend and biggest fan. What if I didn’t have him? I am so lucky. And that story changed me. It made me cling to him and appreciate him even more. I have seen infertility ruin marriages, and I have seen it strengthen them. It strengthened mine. We have gotten so close through the years, and we clung to each other through the struggle. I know it can be so hard, because men will be men. But, your spouse loves you, and is (hopefully) doing the best that they can to support you. Their heart is breaking too, so stick together and keep moving forward.

#2. FIND YOUR TRIBE
This, to me, is one of the very most important parts of an IVF journey. When I first started fertility shots, after a miscarriage three years ago, I was clueless when the doctor told me, “You have thin lining.” What the hell does that mean??? Over the months, I became a “not your typical case,” and… “we don’t know what else to try,” type of girl. So, what does one do? GOOGLE!! And, we know how that goes. Not well. My counselor suggested I sign up on a fertility site called, Resolve/Inspire, and it was the best thing I could have done. Please, go create an account, and I promise, you will find your tribe. http://www.resolve.org I remember my first post about CCRM and a girl named Betsy reached out to me, praising the facility and doctors at CCRM. She had just found out she was pregnant after an exhausting journey, and had a million wonderful things to say about CCRM. She and I quickly became friends, and it just was so awesome to find someone that understood the pain in my heart. Even though she was pregnant, she was so passionate about my story and wanted me to have my happy ending just as badly. She cheered from the sidelines, encouraged me, bossed me (haha we said she was like an older sister to me) and cried with me. She was, and still is, an amazing rock in my life.
Shortly after, while posting about thin lining and Asherman’s, I met a girl named Nancy. She was in the thick of her pain. My God, I wasn’t sure I could ever be as strong as her, and her story terrified me. There is NO way I could ever use a surrogate, or continue fighting and being as strong as she was. She, too, was a thin lining girl, and we clenched fists together, and crossed every thing we could to get our linings to increase. She was the first person I would email after an appointment, disappointed about my lining etc. And, I would be anxiously awaiting her lining news each time she saw her RE as well. She is the sole reason I was comfortable enough to pursue surrogacy a year after we met. We would email almost daily, and she answered all of my questions and worries. I will be forever grateful for these two women. I met so many other women on this site who gave me suggestions and support! It can be such a lonely road while going through this muck. And, most of my best friends, although so sad for me, just couldn’t understand how it felt to be in my shoes. Having women who could relate to me, simply saved me on MANY of my days. The past year I also met two more local friends through church and an IVF support group, and their stories were so similar to mine, it was eery. We are all now expecting our miracle babies this summer, and they will forever be best friends of mine. Find your tribe. Love the heck out of them.

#3. LOVE YOURSELF.
You are kicking ass at this. And you are inspiring someone to be braver. This is a hard process, and literally hurts ever piece of your body. Talk about feeling like a failure. Man, I couldn’t even carry a freaking baby. You think there were plenty of days I didn’t feel like a freaking failure and an absolute mess?! Of course I did. My husband’s numbers all checked out great, but me, oh shit I sucked. I have terribly thin lining, and then found out my eggs weren’t that awesome either. But, somehow I still treated myself kindly. I let myself have the days where sadness consumed me. I even ruined a day with Dave and his ailing dad at the farm (One of their last father son visits there,) calling him hysterically crying and begging him to come home because I couldn’t move and couldn’t get out of bed. Talk about feeling guilty, and almost hating myself. You have got to let yourself have those days. Don’t hide them. They suck. But, I truly believe the most important part is that you are strong enough to get back up. I always did, eventually get back up. Do what makes you feel better. Sometimes, I just needed a REALLY good night’s sleep, or a bath, a chat with a girlfriend, Mexican food (embarrassingly ate my feelings,) a long walk for fresh air, a spa day, journaling, etc. Do what makes YOU happy. Take care of you. This phase will end, eventually. I won’t promise that it will end the way you want it to end, but it will end and you WILL be okay. Just let yourself be sad, learn how to soothe yourself and be so very gentle to your heart. You are doing your best. Keep on going. And, keep on getting up.

#4. BE YOUR BIGGEST ADVOCATE
To me, being an expert at fertility was my thing. I like to dive deep into things, and learn it ALL. I do know too much about infertility, but I just have to know things. I learned so much online, and from other women on my sites. There were times I made suggestions to my doctors, and some of those suggestions helped! You can’t just sit back and expect your doctor to do it all. They will miss things. LEARN things. Even if you need to email me with questions, i am so happy to help. Learn the grading of blastocysts and learn what a morula is. This helped me so much and made me feel more in control. CCRM had put me on supplements, (google CCRM vitamin cocktail) and I had my best round while there. I wasn’t on my supplements for my two worst rounds. I had also run across women who used Human Growth Hormone (Saizen or Omnitrope) and had success with increasing egg quality. I brought that to my RE, and begged her to research it. She finally spent some time researching and put me on it. The two rounds that I used it (aside from my amazing first round when I was going to CCRM) are the rounds where I got my quality blasts. I strongly believe in supplements and HGH. The HGH doesn’t help for everyone, but why not try? My three frozen embryos all came from HGH rounds. I highly recommend reading the book It Starts With An Egg. This will go in to detail why supplements are so important. My biggest piece of advice is to get on CoQ10 immediately. It does take 2-4 months for supplements to help egg quality, so get started early. You need at least 400 mg per day, I did 800. I am such a believer in this, and every friend I have suggested this to, had much greater success after doing these supplements. Drastic difference. Find what works for you.

#5. EXPLAIN IVF TO THOSE YOU LOVE
Although my family and friends couldn’t truly understand what we were going through, they cared so much. They wanted this for us as badly. They don’t understand the process, and how could they? I explained the way the shots made me feel, and explained that my ovaries would go from the size of walnuts to grapefruits in just 10 days. I explained the weight gain, the no exercise rule, the emotions, thin lining etc. The people that have known and loved you forever, care more than most. If they are interested in learning, share this with them and it will help them to understand your pain and your craziness. Don’t just cut them out of your life. I got to the point where we stopped sharing all of the details, and that was beyond freeing. It took so much pressure off of us, and it helped to be able to finally surprise them with our exciting news.

#6. GET HELP.
This part took a while for me to accept, but it was a vital step in the process. Find yourself a counselor. I was lucky enough to find a counselor who had been through infertility herself, and works with women like me daily. She saved me on so many days. It was SO nice to have her support, and she worked with me to stop using harsh words towards myself and my ‘failing’ body. Her facility specialized in so many things that got me through this- Fertility Yoga, Femoral Massages, IVF Support Group to name a few. I met one of my best friends in the support group, and am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and walked into that group of hurting women. They got me. I also did acupuncture, and found a wonderful friend through my sessions. She, too had been through these struggles and helped me so much. I highly recommend Omaha Integrative Care and 13 Moons Acupuncture if you are local. Both amazing places. There were months that my life truly felt like it revolved around my IVF, and it did. But these appointments really helped me work through it all. Journaling and writing my thoughts also helped me. Find what helps you, and do it 🙂

I know, all too well, how awful it feels to be in the middle of IVF. I am sorry you are going through this. I will always have a place in my heart for any girl who is going through fertility. I love helping others, and obviously believe that we should all be there for each other. Although I am currently expecting my baby, via surrogacy, I do feel like a part of my heart will always be a tad broken, feeling left out of the ‘normal’ world. And, I feel a twinge of jealousy each time someone announces that they are expecting, and expecting easily. Sometimes I feel as if I will always be sitting on the sidelines, never being allowed to play for the team that doesn’t struggle. That team that wins and wins and wins. I put so much of my life into this game, while watching others just naturally succeed. I know this game by heart, and can play it in my sleep. It will always sting a bit. I know that. But, again, I will stand strong, and I will stand for all of you ‘infertile’ women and men. We have our own game, and although it may be more elite, and a different playing field, we can still win. And, we will.

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Half Way There.

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I’ve been awful at updating this blog. My sole purpose was to help other women who are struggling with infertility or struggling with the idea of surrogacy, and now i am slacking. I also wanted to use it as a way to update friends and family on our pregnancy. I told Dave the other night, that I feared if someone came across our blog, and saw no updates, they may think things haven’t been going too well, but they actually couldn’t be going better!

Things have been going much better than I ever would have planned with our surrogacy pregnancy. We went up to Wisconsin two weeks ago for our anatomy scan. I was so excited for that appointment but SO worried too. I’m the type of person that can get myself all bent out of shape about anything. It is so annoying. I was worried about the baby, obviously, but also really worried about how I may feel while facing the reality that the baby is not inside me. For weeks, I thought about it. I have had such positive feelings since we were matched, and I kept wondering if those jealous/bitter feelings would ever come. I wondered if they would come when that baby popped up on the screen. Man, I worried. And I worried for absolutely nothing.

I did not feel one negative feeling. Nothing. I even tried to search for it (gosh, I’m weird,) and it was no where in my heart. I felt pure JOY. Honestly, I felt something that I have never felt before, and I truly cannot even explain it. Seeing that baby up on that screen, and knowing he was mine, well, that was THE best feeling in the world. For a minute, I thought to myself, “so THIS, this is what the struggles were for, this is the prize.” And, man, does it seem worth it. It’s crazy to have these feelings while he isn’t even here yet, but I feel them, and I’m truly shocked.

Amy looked adorable and barely had a little bump! She is a much cuter pregnant woman, than I would be! Our appointment was so wonderful, and we loved seeing our baby boy for the very first time. He was “so cooperative,” so that’s what the tech said. I told her that was probably just foreshadowing his future… I mean, that’s what little boys are all about, right? I am sure he will always be so cooperative;) I sat right next to Amy, and Dave next to me. He was moving right away. He was soooo cute. He would put one foot up to the screen, and then the next foot, then put them together. I asked her if she could feel all of that movement, and she only felt some of it. It was just amazing seeing him. And, he was healthy… that’s the BEST part!!!! We got to meet Amy’s doctor, which was wonderful as well. She was great! Then we got to go and meet Amy’s kids, and they were the sweetest and SO adorable!!! It was so fun to finally meet them face to face! Then, the four of us had dinner and talked for hours. We talked about how the birth will be. It’s so fun that Amy and her husband will both be with us, and witness the greatest moment of our lives. We toured the hospital which made everything seem so much more real! June will be here before we know it! It was so fun being with Amy, and I loved the thought that baby boy was with us the entire time, too. I do miss him often, and wish he could be right with us all of the time, but that will happen very soon.

Surrogacy has been 100,000 times better than I would have imagined. And, I know, the biggest reason that it has been so wonderful is because we were matched so perfectly with our Amy. She is the sweetest and greatest person ever. She is our angel. I have never truly felt this way about anyone else, and unless you have been an intended mom, I don’t know that you could understand this feeling. We truly love her. It’s not the same love that I have for my family and best friends, it’s this love that I cannot even explain. It’s a different part of my heart, that I never knew existed. A different part of my heart is beating, and exploding with joy. It’s this feeling that I haven’t felt before, but, then again, no one has ever carried my baby.:) Like, my heart could literally burst. She is carrying my baby, my everything. She is changing our world… forever. Changing our life. I still cannot believe that there was someone out there that wanted to do this for us. And, I never could have fathomed these feelings. Some words that come to mind are pure joy, gratefulness, amazement, over the moon happy, love, peace… it’s like any wonderful feeling combined into one and magnified by a thousand. I do feel like the luckiest girl on earth, and a year ago I felt far from that. I still have to pinch myself that this is truly happening. I am going to be a mommy. And it’s because of a huge sacrifice of someone else. This journey has been the best thing I have ever been a part of, thanks to Amy. Our sweet hero.

1,462 days later…HE ANSWERED

kleins-21Things may not have happened the way that we thought
But between us and our army, we fought and we fought
We had so much fear, but always kept our hope
And even though we grew weary, we kept climbing that rope
We did all that we could and we searched high and low
Until we found the best of the best, oh how she glows.
She’s perfect for us, and we are over the moon
She will deliver Baby Klein sometime in June
God answered our prayers and our baby is quickly growing
We, as Mom and Dad, our hearts are overflowing.kleins-47

This is the poem that I wrote and gave to our parents on November 18. We are EXPECTING… FINALLLLLLLY! I know I have been quiet, and some of you may have guessed the reason. We transferred one sweet embryo (yes my egg and Dave’s sperm) on September 27th. We got our positive test four short days later, on October 1. This has absolutely been an amazing experience, and has been the turn in our story. The turn where everything just feels so much better. The pressure taken off of me, has been so refreshing, and if things go as planned, Baby BOY Klein will arrive the beginning of June.

We transferred one of our Colorado embryos, which we shipped to Chicago, IL, transferred in Chicago, baby will be born in WI, and home will be NE. Talk about a little adventurer. Oh, the places he will go and has already been!

We can hardly contain our excitement, but have been just normal to the outside world. We can’t wait for sweet baby to arrive. I have been writing some entries, just not posting, so I will start posting again, as I would love to share our experience with a gestational carrier , Amy, carrying our baby. We are currently 17 weeks, and I want to keep you informed of the pregnancy!

If you are reading this, and you still are trying to figure out how to get your sweet baby, I understand your pain. Please just know, that I was so scared (still am somedays, let’s be honest,) but this surrogacy journey has been the BEST part of our journey. And, so far, has been the most successful. If you find the right agency, which we found the most amazing one, then this process can be awesome. I truly think it can all depend on your carrier as well… and we got the BEST! So, although you may be scared, please let my story give you hope. We are so much closer to our baby. And I will continue to update on here.

Cheers to our best year yet! 2016 will awesome, and 2017 is looking to be even better. Thank you so much for your support!!! We prayed for 1,462 days… HE ANSWERED!

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Embracing Today.

I was a little down this year on my birthday, for some reason. It seems like the holidays can be so hard…. another year old without Baby Klein. Dave made me feel better by saying that he has noticed a huge change in me this past year. I have become so much stronger. It makes me so happy that it is apparent to him, and other friends have said this as well. Once we decided to move towards the GC route, some of my worries changed into strength. Dave reminded me, that although we don’t know where our journey will end, we do know that we can make it. When this all started, we were terrified, but now we do know we will get there. Of course, I have my days where I’m scared to death that I will never be a mom, but then reality sinks in, and I KNOW we will be parents. One way, or another. We will get there. We are open to so many different avenues, and we will make it.

We have been traveling a ton the past couple of months and doing the things that we wouldn’t be able to do (on a whim) with children. We have been so happy lately, and seeming to really embrace our place in this current life. Even though we so badly want a baby, we LOVE our “right now.”

I have met some women lately (yes, I’m a crazy girl that meets friends online!!!) So many stories out there. So many brave women. It’s just unreal how many couples have to suffer through the heartache of fertility. It helps so much to have these women in my life!

Our current goal and hope is to have a baby sometime in 2017. I still love my blog, and love to share, but Dave and I are asking for privacy on the surrogacy end for now. I don’t want to put more pressure on Amy or us, by sharing each step of the way. There are so many steps to this long process. Just know…. we are moving forward, and we are content with the pace that we are moving forward. We can still use a million prayers, and we appreciate them more than you will ever know. The past few months have brought some amazing pieces to our puzzle, and also some very difficult pieces. We just need to figure out how they all fit together. We would love to have some sense of surprise when we finally do have good news to share. Thank you for respecting this decision 🙂 And, once again, thank you so much for your support!

Love,
Ashley and Dave.

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