I’ve been awful at updating this blog. My sole purpose was to help other women who are struggling with infertility or struggling with the idea of surrogacy, and now i am slacking. I also wanted to use it as a way to update friends and family on our pregnancy. I told Dave the other night, that I feared if someone came across our blog, and saw no updates, they may think things haven’t been going too well, but they actually couldn’t be going better!
Things have been going much better than I ever would have planned with our surrogacy pregnancy. We went up to Wisconsin two weeks ago for our anatomy scan. I was so excited for that appointment but SO worried too. I’m the type of person that can get myself all bent out of shape about anything. It is so annoying. I was worried about the baby, obviously, but also really worried about how I may feel while facing the reality that the baby is not inside me. For weeks, I thought about it. I have had such positive feelings since we were matched, and I kept wondering if those jealous/bitter feelings would ever come. I wondered if they would come when that baby popped up on the screen. Man, I worried. And I worried for absolutely nothing.
I did not feel one negative feeling. Nothing. I even tried to search for it (gosh, I’m weird,) and it was no where in my heart. I felt pure JOY. Honestly, I felt something that I have never felt before, and I truly cannot even explain it. Seeing that baby up on that screen, and knowing he was mine, well, that was THE best feeling in the world. For a minute, I thought to myself, “so THIS, this is what the struggles were for, this is the prize.” And, man, does it seem worth it. It’s crazy to have these feelings while he isn’t even here yet, but I feel them, and I’m truly shocked.
Amy looked adorable and barely had a little bump! She is a much cuter pregnant woman, than I would be! Our appointment was so wonderful, and we loved seeing our baby boy for the very first time. He was “so cooperative,” so that’s what the tech said. I told her that was probably just foreshadowing his future… I mean, that’s what little boys are all about, right? I am sure he will always be so cooperative;) I sat right next to Amy, and Dave next to me. He was moving right away. He was soooo cute. He would put one foot up to the screen, and then the next foot, then put them together. I asked her if she could feel all of that movement, and she only felt some of it. It was just amazing seeing him. And, he was healthy… that’s the BEST part!!!! We got to meet Amy’s doctor, which was wonderful as well. She was great! Then we got to go and meet Amy’s kids, and they were the sweetest and SO adorable!!! It was so fun to finally meet them face to face! Then, the four of us had dinner and talked for hours. We talked about how the birth will be. It’s so fun that Amy and her husband will both be with us, and witness the greatest moment of our lives. We toured the hospital which made everything seem so much more real! June will be here before we know it! It was so fun being with Amy, and I loved the thought that baby boy was with us the entire time, too. I do miss him often, and wish he could be right with us all of the time, but that will happen very soon.
Surrogacy has been 100,000 times better than I would have imagined. And, I know, the biggest reason that it has been so wonderful is because we were matched so perfectly with our Amy. She is the sweetest and greatest person ever. She is our angel. I have never truly felt this way about anyone else, and unless you have been an intended mom, I don’t know that you could understand this feeling. We truly love her. It’s not the same love that I have for my family and best friends, it’s this love that I cannot even explain. It’s a different part of my heart, that I never knew existed. A different part of my heart is beating, and exploding with joy. It’s this feeling that I haven’t felt before, but, then again, no one has ever carried my baby.:) Like, my heart could literally burst. She is carrying my baby, my everything. She is changing our world… forever. Changing our life. I still cannot believe that there was someone out there that wanted to do this for us. And, I never could have fathomed these feelings. Some words that come to mind are pure joy, gratefulness, amazement, over the moon happy, love, peace… it’s like any wonderful feeling combined into one and magnified by a thousand. I do feel like the luckiest girl on earth, and a year ago I felt far from that. I still have to pinch myself that this is truly happening. I am going to be a mommy. And it’s because of a huge sacrifice of someone else. This journey has been the best thing I have ever been a part of, thanks to Amy. Our sweet hero.