It’s crazy to me how fast this year has flown. September marks four year since we have been trying for our baby. I recently found the email that I sent my sister in September of 2012 saying that we were officially ready! Little did my sweet, innocent, unguarded heart, know the pain I would endure and the rollercoaster we would ride. Little did we know.
It honestly amazes me that it’s come to this. Well, maybe amazes isn’t even the right word. “Angers” maybe…or, “Frustrates.” I don’t even know the right word, but I wouldn’t wish this on my enemy. I know infertility is so common, and I wish I could take it away from anyone who is “infertile.” Definitely hate that word)
I try to remind myself daily how blessed we are and that God has to be using us for something. Our story has to mean something other than just plain heartache. I will say, I have changed drastically as a person since September 2012. I have been stripped to the core, punched to the ground and have cried thousands of tears. But, I have also stood up every damn time I was knocked down. Every time. 100%. How is that for a success rate? When I think of my success it feels more like zero, but then I remind myself of how far we have come.
I received a letter (yes, a real live hand written letter!!!) in the mail a few weeks ago. It came from an old neighbor of mine from my childhood. It has to have been 30 years since they lived across the street from us. Here’s the beginning of it.
I just found and read your amazing blog. Oh my goodness! I cannot believe how many struggles you have been through. But I am so inspired by you!! What a strong, young woman you are, with such deep faith. God is definitely up to something in your life! He knows he can use you for a very important purpose. I share your strong hope, that on this journey, you and Dave will be blessed with a baby.”
The letter went on and on. I could barely get through it and was so choked up. Tears streamed down my face. Someone who has only seen me once in the past 25-30 years took time to think of me, pray for me, and write me a letter. Wow!!! So heartwarming. And the word inspire… That has been my goal. I wanted to inspire someone, anyone. And so many of you, whether you know me personally or emailed me online, have used that same word. Inspire. Do you know the impact it has on someone when you tell them that you are truly inspired from them? I do. My heart could explode. If someone inspires you, you should tell them. Do it. And make their day.
Although most days I wish God had not picked me for this story, I know deep in my heart that he did choose me, and it has to be for some reason. A reason that we don’t understand right now. I wrack my brain on sleepless nights trying to figure out why. He chose me. He knew I could survive. But not without Dave and our amazing, supportive friends and family. It seems like everyone holds us up. This journey has shown me how many people we have that love us and want this for us just as badly. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart. Although my heart is broken, it’s strong and beyond thankful.
And speaking of thankful, we are officially moving forward with our sweet carrier, Amy. We still have mock cycles and legal fun, but we are getting closer. She’s already a rockstar for graciously stepping up to the plate and wanting to join our game. She is a saint. I have had so much fun getting to know her, and we text quite a bit. It’s crazy because all of the fears I first had when considering surrogacy, have seriously faded after knowing her. I used to worry about all the normal worries…. what if she doesn’t treat our baby like I would treat our baby?! But, knowing what I already know, she will. She’s a wonderful mom, and she knows way more than I know about pregnancy. It’s fun because I know the fertility and shots part, and she knows the other half! I think we will make a wonderful team on this journey to Baby Klein! Here is a picture of the four of us! Excited to keep moving forward!