Dave wrote a letter to our future child and framed it for our anniversary. He said I could share it on the blog:) I am so lucky to have his support.
April 28th, 2016
Dear first baby boy or girl of ours, if you are reading this with full comprehension and developed cognitive abilities, then you have to be minimally a teenager by now, or close to it. I am writing a “blog post” for your mommy’s (or mom if you’re too cool for mommy) website…www.theborrowedbump.com….Check it out! It’s all about you and the work your mommy did to bring you to us. Yes, it does take 2 (you’ll learn more about that soon), but it really isn’t a fair distribution of responsibility. I will get into the “work” (understatement of the decade) and much more in just a bit, but let’s preface this first installment from your daddy. This is technically a 4-year anniversary gift to your mom. Yep, no jewelry or perfume or a much needed trip to Mexico, but instead a letter that will help our baby (you) understand, from your dad’s perspective, just how selfless, sacrificing and unduplicated your mom truly is. I hope by now we have helped instill in you a sense of how important God is in your life. If you ever had a doubt, just read this and take a look at your mom…people like her don’t just happen by accident. You see, just like you, your mommy is one of those extremely rare and exceptional creations that God crafted for many purposes…creating YOU was one of these.
Let’s begin with how I met your mom, Ashley Jane Miller. It was February of 2005 and a friend of mine from work told me she had a friend she went to college with that she wanted to try to set me up with. I was happily obliging this “Group date”, as she called it, to happen. Your mom didn’t share my same enthusiasm. Your mom (now) is the most loving and friendliest person I know. But, she had her guard way up! She pretty much kept her back to me the entire night and I’m pretty sure she was still dating some other super lucky guy. Well, the night waned on and by the end it was pretty obvious this wasn’t going to go anywhere…for now.
Fast-forward our lives 5.5 years, we have both toiled through tough relationships. Btw, all relationships have struggles…even the best. When you’re with the right person though, you fight and work that much harder because it is worth it. Both your mom and I are thankful (gulp) for these people because they helped bring us back to each other.
It was August 2010, and a completely different friend from my work place tells me she knows a girl that comes to her spin classes (these are probably an exercise of the past now) that she is just certain I am supposed to meet. I told her, “Great, who is it?!”….”What?! Ashley Miller!?” I said back. “You have to be kidding me.” Yes, that’s right, God is either hard at work, or really just has a wicked sense of humor. I accepted the former, and pursued your mom like it was my job. Your mom still had the Great Wall of China built around her. I accepted the challenge this time, laid my past and my faults out on a silver platter for her to see. After a few months, your mom accepted that God was at work in “Our” life. It truly is a story that not many have to share. 8 months after meeting again, April 23rd, 2011, I sent your mom on scavenger hunt through the moments of our lives we will share and ended at the altar of your mom’s hometown church in Kearney, NE. This was a Top 3 day. Marrying her and your birthday are the other two.
Let’s talk sacrifice and work. This is one of my favorite poems that I came across years ago and I believe your mom’s will to have you is mirrored perfectly in this:
But to every mind there openeth,
A way, and way, and away,
A high soul climbs the highway,
And the low soul gropes the low,
And in between on the misty flats,
The rest drift to and fro.
But to every man there openeth,
A high way and a low,
And every mind decideth,
The way his soul shall go.
One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow,
‘Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.
Like the winds of the sea
Are the waves of time,
As we journey along through life,
‘Tis the set of the soul,
That determines the goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Let me begin this last section with explaining the massive difference that the effects of this grueling journey has on your mom and I. This can be hard to clarify in words because it sounds as though I don’t care as much as your mom. We were both in this process together, but the massive brunt of it falls on the female. The surgeries, the trials, the diets, the meds, the injections, the acupuncture, and most of all the feelings that a woman innately experiences when they slowly learn that their body cannot do what most other women can naturally do…produce and carry their own baby…all create an unfathomable burden and sadness on the female. I mourned for her and us all along, but it was physically and emotionally impossible for me fully comprehend and experience all that she went through.
I’m your mom’s biggest fan. Your mom is a fighter in all the best ways. Stubborn as hell at times, but let’s focus on the multitude of the aforementioned best ways!:) She got knocked down I don’t know how many times. Too many to list, but between our disappointing miscarriage (this is your little ladybug sister) in the beginning of our fertility journey, to her diagnosis of Asherman’s syndrome (this caused her uterus to develop scar tissue and depleted uterine lining), to several failed IVF (Invitro Fertilization) attempts, to week-long hyperbaric oxygen therapy trials and many other disappointing Dr appointments. Your mom and I, emphasis on your mom, got the sh*t beat out of her, for lack of better words. Unfortunately, there was a recurring theme of that terrible feeling of ultimate disappointment and let downs that overshadowed so many of our days. It was so hard because we are all taught in various ways in life that if you want and work for something bad and hard enough, you will get it. Ultimately, yes, it all came to fruition with you! I would watch your mom be crushed, beyond imagination at times, and continue to get up and keep up a fight to get to you. She would take an ounce of hope and turn it into a ton of faith. Through a very selfless gestational carrier, we were blessed enough to be able to work with, we were finally able to bring you into the world!
The process of learning to let go and let God became the ultimate lesson for us to embrace. Similar to how a blacksmith uses fire to temper steel, God used this journey to strengthen and temper our marriage. For so many other unfortunate couples, they let it get the best of them and gave up. Had we let ourselves go down that path, you wouldn’t be reading this now. We love you more than words can say and we would do it all again…together…just to have you. We love you and I love you, Ashley Jane! Happy 4th anniversary!
All My Love,